Note: Yes, I know that Saban owns the Power Rangers and Disney owns Lumire, but I couldn't help but write this! This story is the result of my staying up late and drinking way too much Mountain Dew, eating chocolate, and watching Three Musketeers. Good show, Chris O'Donnel is really good in it. That wig fits him perfectly. Woops..... digression. Anyway, back to what I was saying. Power Rangers used to be cool. The bad guys were actual people and the Rangers had really neat Zords. Now, the bad guys are asteroids that are alive and some rock woman who can only move her jaw up and down and the Rangers have CARS for crying out loud! Come on, this had to end. Hope this is a decent story! Hey, e-mail me and tell me what you think of it.
Within the confines of deep, cold space, a glowing blue rift in the cross dimensions opened. Suddenly, in a flash of blinking light, Lord Zed and Rita Repulsa were once again on their moon base overlooking Mariner Bay; which had once been Angel Grove, but due to the Religious Context the name was changed.
The Base was musty, dusty, and rusty. Swirling fog covered traps in the floor. The lighting was nearly non-existent. In short, they were home.
Rita leaned back, showing off those gorgeous spikes on her chest and sighed. “Oh, it’s so good to be home!”
“Yes!” Zed agreed. “And this time the Power Rangers will pay for imprisoning us!”
They both cackled with glee.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Enter The Dorks~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pink walked into the control center and gave her father a kiss. “Hi Daddy,” she said while smiling.
Captain Pink turned, surprised. “Why, hello. And just what put you in this good mood?”
“Oh, nothing.” She put her hands behind her back and rocked back and forth slightly.
“Well, whatever it is, I’m glad you’re happy.” Captain Pink finished his daily computer check.
Yellow barged into the room. “Pink! Come on! You’ve got to see this!” She seized her friends arm and bodily dragged her from the room.
Outside, the other rangers were standing on a concrete balcony overlooking the bay. High up in the morning sky was a glowing ball of blue light.
In a sudden of panic attack, Yellow gasped and ducked behind Red. “I hope it doesn’t mean anything Olympius could use against us!” Green patted her on the back, “It’s OK. It’s probably just some special anomaly.”
“Yah!” Blue said. “Probably just more of that space junk. Hey, I’m going out on my bike. Wanna come?”
“Sure! Let me go get my helmet.” She dashed back into the building and returned a few minutes later with a yellow bike helmet. “Let’s go!”
Rita was carefully watching the new Rangers. “Oh, Zeddy pooh, these new rangers will be nothing to us.”
“Yes, my love, they shall be easy to crush.” Zed held his staff out towards Earth. “Go! My putties, and squash them like the roaches they are.”
Eight putties spoke their usual gibberish and make the quick journey to Mariner Bay where they could have a little fun.
“Whoo hoo! Faster, faster Blue!” Yellow clung to his back screaming with exhilaration at the high speeds.
“I’m going twenty miles over the limit. I couldn’t go any faster.”
She pouted. “Oh, you’re no fun. Live a little!”
A police siren blared through the peaceful air. A fat cop in a car that was falling apart sped up to catch the speeding motorcycle.
“Now I’m going to get a ticket. Thank you so much Yellow.” Blue slowed and pulled over. “Is there something I can help you with, Officer?”
After finishing off the remains of a doughnut, Officer O’Connor pulled his little pink pad and pen out of h is picket. “Weel nou,” he said in a thick Irish accent, “You weer goin ouver the lemit. Oi’ll be needin soom ID.”
“Sure thing Officer.” Blue reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet.
“Oh no! Look over there!” Yellow screamed as she pointed to an area in the park. Eight odd gray creatures had suddenly appeared out of nowhere and were wandering around garbling to each other.
Officer O’Connor joined the throngs of people running away screaming. He fell over backwards on his car and his tickets went flying all over the place.
“We’ve got to do something!”
Blue agreed. “Queen Vanshira must have created them. We’d better morhp.”
“Right! Innocent people could get hurt!”
Together they shouted, “Light Speed, Rescue!” And felt the shimmering blue and yellow light envelop them. Shields of colors flew at their bodies and they were suddenly flying through the air as the Yellow and Blue Power Rangers. Blue moved his arms around trying to look cool while yellow leapt with her arms behind her, head back and chest out. Who knows, showing off her chest just might make theses odd creatures love her and leave her alone.
They landed in the middle of the putties. The gray humanoids garbled and encircled them. Before Blue and Yellow knew what had happened, the putties had bonked them on the chest and back and the two were out cold. The putties had won for once!
They milled around, unsure of what to do. They had never actually won before. Now what? Then, they saw the bike and car…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Green on a Date~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Green strode into Miss Fairweathers laboratory. He was holding a bouguet of flowers. “Hello Miss Fairweather. I picked these just for you.”
She looked up from her console screen and took off her glasses. “How sweet. Thank you. I’ll go put them in water.”
He pulled a vase full of water out from behind his back. “I’ve got that solved.”
“Why, thank you.” She walked over to him and putt he flowers in the vase.
“Mmm mhm. You are one fine woman. Come on, go on a date with me.” He gazed deep into her eyes.
“Uh, no. I’ve got work to do.” She sat back down and began typing again; a clear dismissal.
Green slowly walked down the busy sidewalk. What had he done wrong? Could it be that he wasn’t as cool as he thought he was? Yup, that’s it! He’s not as hot as he thinks he is; he’s hotter!
His stride perked up and he tipped his cowboy hat at a cute girl.
He looked up the street and saw two gray creatures riding Blues motorcycle. Behind the motorcycle was a police car full of more of the gray things. And both were going very fast.
“Oh no! I’ve got to stop them! Blue will be pretty mad if his bike gets dinged up.” He broke into a run and began chasing the speeding vehicles, which was pretty stupid. Duh! A car can go a lot faster than a human.
Green stumbled to a stop and muttered, “Man, this is never going to work. Light Speed, Rescue!” He was suddenly the Green ranger and on his turbo bike. “Now I can catch those thieves before they cause any more trouble.”
He took off down a side street hoping to cut them off. Unfortunately, the putties had had the same idea had were heading for a head on collision!
“I’ll have to time this just right if I want this to work!” He popped a wheelie and went faster, hoping the putties would veer off. “Turbo Bike! Power up!”
CRASH! The police cruiser rammed into the Green Ranger and sent him fling through the air. He landed in a pile of garbage and groaned. Flailing about more than necessary, the tried to get out.
The putties gathered around him and garbled some more, it was what they ere expected to do.
“What are you creatures?”
One puttie punched him in the chest, ending his questioning. Hey, hitting the Z on their chests destroyed them, why wouldn’t it work on a ranger? Another puttie opened the trunk of the car while three more dragged the limp ranger over to the cruiser. After a little work, they crammed him in with the other two rangers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Run! It’s a candle!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zed was watching his putties, enjoying every moment of his increasing victory. But, something was wrong… what was it? He paced around, chin in hand, thinking.
“Oh Zed!” Came the screeching call of Rita Repulsa, “Look what I found!” She was holding up a candle stick in a gold holder.
“Not now my dear. Those Rangers can’t be that easy to beat. They’re up to something.”
“How can they be? We’ve already taken care of three of them. The world will be ours by nightfall.”
He sighed. “You’re right.”
“And I found this lovely candle for our victory dinner. We can dine by candle light.”
“That’s it! Now I know why we haven’t crushed the Rangers yet! We need to send a monster to take care of the last two. Put the candle on the floor.,”
Rita did as commanded, then ponderously moved back towards Zed and batted her sparkly eye lashes at him.
Zed pointed his silver Z topped staff towards the unfortunate object. His name began with Z, why not have that wonderful letter everywhere? It reminded him that, yes, he was the best in the universe, no matter how many times the Power Rangers had defeated him. He was winning now! Now it would be the end of the world!
The poor candle didn’t want to be turned evil and destroy everything! It wanted to give it’s poor little life to burning down to a meager little pile of wax that would forever stain the tablecloth at a romantic dinner.
Red beams of energy shot from the end of the staff and surrounded the candle. In a few seconds, it had come to life! But, wait a minute, it was still small. And, had a French accent? That couldn’t be right.
“He-llo. I am Lumire. And zou are?”
“No! I’ve created a monster! Quick! Rita, Kill it kill it kill it!”
The little candle started singing, “Be out guest, be our guest…”
Thinking quickly, Rita zapped the musically inclined monstrosity down to earth; not anywhere particular, more to get rid of it than have it attack the rangers.
“Zed! Never do that again! I will create the next monster.”
He climbed down from the curtains. “Yes, dear.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Red is Dead!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Classical music blared over the speakers of the local ice skating rink. On the ice, moving perfectly in time to the music was a man dressed entirely in red. What is it with the Rangers always wearing the color they are? I mean, if you had half a brain you could figure out that these five teens were always together, always wore the same color, and were great at karate! Shiesh! Must it be so obvious that they are the rangers? His costume was a tight leotard; it was supposed to fit the music, Night on Bald Mountain, but he really looked more like a demon than a fire god.
He had just leapt into the air to complete a perfect triple lutz (who came up with skating names anyway?) when a little candle appeared on the ice with him.
“No, no, no, no,” he said in that over pronounced accent, “Like zis!” The candle began singing with the music. He would hop into the air and spin around almost extinguishing his flame, which of course, could never happen. How could you blow out his flame? Nothing could kill Lumire, the monstrous dancer!
As the candle got more and more excited scooting across the ice, ne began to burn hotter and hotter. Soon, the entire rink was a hot, humid sauna and th heat was increasing. The ice began to melt, but candle-boy was didn’t notice. He was too happy having an audience to perform for.
“Hey! You’ve got to stop that!” Red shouted. “Youre going to harm everyone in this rink!”
Still singing. ”Put our service to the test…” The candle didn’t notice.
People ran screaming from the arena. Whenever something like this happened, they ran like cattle. Honestly, hat there been a cliff, they would have gone right over it.
“All right, you asked for it candle. Light Speed, Rescue.” Unfortunately, when the red ranger morphed, he lost his ice skates,. WHAM! He fell flat on is butt first step he took.
The candle finally finished, “Be our Gueeeeeeeeeeesst!” and looked up, expecting applause. When he received none, he looked for other people. The rink was empty except for some moron in a red costume with a helmet on. “You! Zis iz all your fault!” As he yelled, Lumir grew hotter and hotter. Eventually, the entire rink was glowing hot and the ice was now a steaming puddle of water.
Red stood up, but was promptly knocked back down face first into the water. The candle was on his head! And it wouldn’t get off. His limbs thrashed around, helplessly. Soon, he lay still. The red ranger had been defeated by a singing candle.
Lumire was happily hopping down Main Street. For some odd reason, people ran whenever they saw him. “Hey! Wait! I only want to be your vriend!”
One little kid stopped and picked up the strange candle. “Hey, Mom!” He began running to catch up. “Look what I found!”
“Oh, honey, put that back.”
Suddenly, out of nowhere, the little boy stumbled and fell! “Ow!” he cried. Soon, tears were streaming down his chubby little face as he saw his torn pants leg and skinned knee.
His mom came over and tried to comfort him, but no mom can do anything for a scraped knee like a Power Ranger can!
Oh so conveniently, Pink was across the street, sitting in her little ambulance. Looking across the street, she could see the poor injured kid. “I’ve got to help him!”
She reached in the back, got out a medical kit, and opened the door of the ambulance. After looking both ways across the street (What, a Power Ranger get hit by a car? Never!) she safely jogged across.
“Hey…” she said in an overly calm voice, “It’ll be OK. I’ve got just what you need.” She pulled a sucker out of her bag and handed it to him as a distraction while she took care of his knee.
Lumire, who had unfortunately been dropped, stood up and hopped back to the boy. Hey, he wasn’t going to miss out on the beautiful ladies candy!
In a few moments, the little boys knee sported a cold pack and massively large bandage. Somehow, he now had crutches too.
“Now be careful and don’t let the sidewalk bit you anymore,” Pink smiled and ruffled the boys hair.
“Thanks!” the boy called as he walked off with his mom. He walked perfectly fine and dropped the crutches behind a bush.
“Oh, Mon cher! You ar wonderzul! Pleaze, gife me a kiss? Hmmmmm…? Lumire puckered his lips and batted his eyes.
“Uh….are you a candle?”
“Why of course! What else do you zink I am?”
“Get away!” Pink began running down the street.
“But I only want one little kiss!” He chased after.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Grow, Candle, Grow!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rita watched the events going on below with utter amazement. Who would have thought a singing candle would have destroyed the red ranger? And not only that, it had Pink on the run!
“Zed! Zedzedzedzedzed!” she screeched. “We have nearly won!”
“Impossible! The rangers always defeat us.” He entered the room, but only after checking for musically inclined objects.
“The candle was our one hope the whole time!”
“Yes! Soon the world will be ours!” He put his arm around her plump waist and began laughing with evil glee.
Rita laughed. Zed laughed, Rita, Zed…
“Zed? Why are we laughing?”
He shrugged, “I don’t know. Time for Pink to learn a lesson!” His Z-topped staff (that letter again!) at earth. Again, red beams shot to Lumire. Within moments, Lumire was a huge candle, towering above the mountains (why do they always fight in the hills?) he stood in.
“Go! My destructive dancer, and conquer Angel Grove!”
Rita nudged him in the ribs. “Mariner Bay,” she hissed.
“Oh. GO and destroy Mariner Bay!”
Again, they began the laughter.
Lumire felt himself growing bigger and bigger. Once he was larger than the mountains, he stopped growing. “Mon cher?” He looked around confused. Where had she gone? He picked up a huge boulder and looked under it. “Where ar you hiding?” He began searching the entire area.
Pink crouched behind a boulder, hiding. Why on earth had tis candle started following her?! Now was her chance, she could morph and destroy this creature.
Standing with arms held slightly out she shouted, “Light Speed, Rescue!” Lovely pink light enveloped her and she as soon the Pink Power Ranger. “I’m right here Candle!” she called out tauntingly. Then, because he was so much bigger than her, she had to call the Zords. “Rescue Zord, Activate!”
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a huge black vehical appeared. Five compartments opened and the Rangers zords flew and rolled out, looking very much like little remote control cars in the hands of an excited kid. (Or maybe the producers of the TV show, either one.) The vehicals began opening and changing. After so many useless changes to their structure, they joined together. The Zord was complete! Now pink could defeat Lumire!
Somehow, she managed to be inside the zords head at the control center. Unfortunately, none of the other Rangers were there to help guide it. Undaunted, she called out, “Come and get me!”
“My love! Oh! Zer you ar!” Lumire joyfully hopped over to her, creating a small earthquake as he did. He embraced the zord, happy at last that he had found the lady who gave out candy.
Pink stared at all the glowing buttons around her. She wanted to bring up the Zords knee, but couldn’t figure out how to do it. Besides, he was a candle, probably wouldn’t hurt him much. She leaned back in the chair, trying to think of what to do. “Think, think, think….”
“Ello? Ar you going to speak to me?” Lumire asked. No answer. “Hmph!” He turned around and the Zord fell over backwards.
The entire thing began one awesome explosion after another. Lumire stood, posing dramatically, as the fire and explosions behind him grew bigger and bigger.
Once they were finished, he turned back, looked at the charred ground, shrugged, then began hopping off to find something else to do. With each hope, he shrank until he was his normal size again. He began singing, “And now, it’s time, we must say goodbye…”
Zed stared in amazement. He had won. He had won. He had WON! Wha-hoo! The earth was his! “Finally! After so many years of battling and fighting, Earth is mine! All mine!”
Rita began jumping up and down happily. “Now I can finally go get that liposuction I’ve always wanted!”
“Yes, soon you can be Barbie and I can rule the world.”
After several more minutes of celebrating their victory, Rita had an awful thought. She had spent nearly her entire life battling the Power Rangers, and for what? Total world domination? So, she could conquer the world, but what would she do for entertainment? Sure, torturing people was good for a while, but it grew boring. Looking over at her husbands face, she saw that he had the same thoughts.
“Uh… Now what?” Zed asked, not quite so joyously.
Lumire hopped in the room, “I hear Paris is nice this time of year!”